When I was about 14 or 15, I met Jamie. At that time I had no interest in him. I was too busy doing what teenagers do. I was partying, sleeping with multiple people, and having relationships with people around my own age. However, when I was 17, a few months (it was mid Oct. and my birthday is Dec. 3rd) away from 18, I started to look at him differently.
I had only been out of a horrible relationship for 3 months when I knew exactly how I felt about him. Neither of us were pursuing a partner. He wasn’t hanging around me for me and I wasn’t hanging around him for him until one day we were. We fell in love on accident over a course of those 3 months.
My horrible relationship that ended a few months before him was abusive. That person had sex with multiple people during our relationship. This person wasn’t very nice to me. The person even stole money from me. Anyhow, after it ended… the person stalked me. I had my name announced on the loud-speaker at the local Kmart by this person. The person followed me around to my usual hang out places. I got scared and stayed home for a while until the person just went away.
During this time, my father was home a lot. He wasn’t working due to an accident at work. Jamie was a friend of my fathers who was laid off at that time. To kill time, they’d hang out in the garage working on cars or they’d hang out inside while Jamie worked on the computer. Since I was home all the time and he was over all the time, we had regular conversations all hours of the night.
These conversations were never sexual. They were never inappropriate. There is no way my father would have put up with that non-sense. I can’t tell you what they were mostly about. I can’t remember. All I remember is how much he made me laugh, how respectful he was, and how comfortable I was around him. We were friends and our conversations made us have a connection that we still have today.
When I was pregnant with my first child and shopping for my baby shower supplies, a women was talking with another women she was with when she seen me grabbing baby blue plates, cups, etc with my large belly and standing with an older gentleman (Jamie). I overheard her tell the other women “Over my dead body I’d be having a baby shower for my pregnant 15-year-old daughter.” She was being obvious that she was talking about me and she didn’t try to hide it with her hand gestures and staring. Yes, at the time I was only 19 and I still look young to this day, so I looked like a child, but I wasn’t. What she said will forever stick with me. It was incredibly rude! However, it wasn’t the first or the last time we heard comments from people.
If you do a Google search for “I’m 18 and my boyfriend is 37” you will see we aren’t as unique as one might think. Some people say that age doesn’t matter, but the people against it say the most awful of things. Go look for yourself.
From experience, I cannot say that age doesn’t matter because sometimes our age does matter. I can say that age doesn’t define who we are or our maturity level. Couples with a large age gap face the same hardships as other couples. The only thing I can note as being different is the reaction people around you have when you talk about your age gap.
It’s been my experience that very few people know how to first respond to a couple with a large age gap. There are some people who are down right rude about it. We have had people say he was a “cradle robber.” I have had women ask me “Is he rich?” when I tell them his age. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve heard how disgusting it is and that I must have serious “daddy issues.”
I can assure you that I don’t have “daddy issues”. My father and I have a great relationship. I can also assure you that I am not a “gold digger” nor was I looking for a “sugar daddy”. Jamie didn’t even have a job when we first started dating. He was living with his mom. Money wasn’t something I even thought about when looking at him. As far as cradle robbing goes, I’ve like to choke these people. I was not a child.
All of these reactions just so people’s insecurity when faced with a couple that have a large age gap. Frankly, these people’s insecurities about my relationship are not my problem. I don’t feel shame knowing that I am with someone who is old enough to be my father. I’m happy that I get to experience love and a deep connection with someone even if our time maybe cut short. That can happen to any couple no matter the age gap.
If you are reading this post because you considering an older younger relationship – go for it if it feels right to you. Jamie and I are going on 8 years together and 4 of those years we’ve been married. We have two children together and we couldn’t be happier. Yes, we have our differences and sometimes it is because of our age, but just like any other couple – you have to make compromises. My only word of advice is discuss what you want for the relationship before it gets too serious because the large gap could mean that one of you needs to make a compromise that you don’t desire for your life, but again – that’s the same with any couple.
Don’t listen to the comments others make. We’ve found that it’s best just to laugh off the comments. There is no reason to get into a heated discussion with people about your life decisions. If it feels right to you… that’s what you should be doing. At the end of the day, all that matters within your relationship is that you are happy.