I’ve had this post in mind for months. I kept meaning to get around to it, but I never seem to find enough time. I finally decided it was time to get this post published if it is the only thing I manage to do today.
A little background info: In 2002 Jamie was in a car accident. A car pulled out in front of him after running a red light and in order to avoid smashing into the side of the car – he turned the wheel in the opposite direction and smashed into a telephone pole instead. Naturally he was knocked unconscious until first responders arrived. He was cut from the vehicle and life flighted to the closest trauma center. He was rushed for scans to determine the extent of his injuries, which lead to hours of surgery to repair his neck injury. They took some bone from his hip to help fuse his neck along with putting in steel plates and a number of staples. Meanwhile his family (didn’t include me at the time since in 2002 – I was in middle school) waited to find out if he would even survive let alone walk again.
He is lucky that he is still alive and able to function, but that doesn’t mean these injuries didn’t affect his life. Generally, you can’t tell Jamie is in the amount of pain you know he must be in. He smiles. He laughs. He enjoys making others smile and laugh. However, I know he uses laughter to hide the pain he is in.
He works a back-breaking job. See he is a printing press operator. (Think business cards, hospital flyers, posters, special envelopes, letter heads, etc.) This requires him to bend and lift constantly to load his machine(s) and pack boxes. He does this 5-6 days a week and some days more than 12 hours just to support us. He keeps telling himself and all of us that he just has to hang in there a few more years. We all know that it’s just a matter of time before one of the 4 bulging disc in his lower back slip even more and he just can’t move that way anymore. Forcing him to go off work and collect disability.
He doesn’t take pain medication. He gave that up a few months after the accident because he felt like a “zombie”. And now with the DEA regulating narcotic pain medication and the implementation of drug testing – he can’t even get a prescription because he refuses to stop smoking weed, which I can’t blame him. Weed works much better for his pain than a narcotic pill with the exception of a few days. Instead he suffers through it. The few occasions he has actually gone to the doctor, they do the same things. MRI’s and send him off to pain management where they try to give him all these different medications. We know this is all they can do to help him, but the point is – it doesn’t help him. He still suffers and when he does take their medications he ends up with side effects (like bleeding from his colon).
Naturally, his pain and injuries affect our sex life. We do have great sex, but the majority of the time, he cannot cum. He physically cannot because if he does, he will end up with the worst Charlie horse of his life or in so much pain he wouldn’t be able to walk. Let alone go to work the next day.
I admit it. I found this extremely frustrating at first. My idea of the completion of sex included him being able to cum. And still it does bother me when he doesn’t finish, but not because I still feel like he needs to cum. I am bothered that he doesn’t get to enjoy cumming as much as I would like him too. Plus cum is yummy! We’ve always managed to work around and deal with him being unable to cum.
We’ve managed by not focusing on his orgasm. If it happens – that is great, but if we focus on it both of us end up frustrated. The last thing either of us want to be is frustrated over sex. We stopped focusing on him reaching orgasm and instead focus on enjoyment. If both of us have a great time – it doesn’t matter if either one of use actually reach orgasm.
In order to focus on enjoyment over his orgasm, he spend more time with foreplay and kink than actual intercourse. Intercourse puts him into positions that cause cramping after sometime. We end up shifting positions and sometimes he loses his erection during the shift. It’s times like that I wish I could handle being on top, but with my retroverted uterus – I’ve only successfully been on top a handful of times. We have a few pieces of sex furniture (flip ramp, wedge, and little deeper cushion) and we hoped those would help. We enjoy the wedge the most, but these don’t really aid him in position. They are more for the bottom to have a boast. We’ve almost always found that doggy style is the best position for us.
Spending more time with foreplay mostly refers to our enjoyment of oral sex and mutual masturbation. He eats pussy like a champ. A lot of our sex life is him eating my pussy. I, honestly, can’t think of a single time were he didn’t make me cum with his mouth in combination with his fingers. Sometimes I think he lives just to eat my pussy. I can’t complain about his desire to make me cum on his face, but I can say that sometimes it just doesn’t cure the feeling of being horny like being fucked until he cums in/on me.
That’s were sex toys come into the scenario. Him using them on me. I masturbating for him. Being spanked, choked, shocked with my neon wand, and medical play and all so fucking hot and a lot of fun. Sometimes just kink play is enough. Sometimes all I need for that day is that feeling of his control.
Admittedly, I probably get a lot more enjoyment out of our sex life than he does. Doesn’t mean I don’t try to and it doesn’t mean I’m selfish for being the only one who orgasms during sex. Just because he can’t always cum, doesn’t mean there is no sense in me trying. He’s sore and stiff so I massage him. Sometimes I pull out the oil and rub him down with that other times I use lotion. I try to get him to relax. Not just before sex, but during and after too. A lot of times I am blowing him while I massage his thighs and lower back, which is why I’ll make him stand while I sit on the edge of the bed. And when he gets to that moment were he jumps up saying “Ouch” – I rub it out. While I massage him, I often grind up against him. Nibbling on him. Licking him. Sometimes I even try to massage him with body parts other than my hands. Also a perfect opportunity to ensure my pussy juice is on various parts on him, so I masturbate while I massage him and use my juices while I do it too. We always laugh about this. Calling my juice his “cologne”.
It’s not always easy dealing with his inability to always cum. Especially when the idea of completion includes orgasm for both parties. There are times were I feel inadequate because of it, but I know this is just my crazy head whispering mean shit at me. We love each other for better and for worst. We manage to work around our issues as they come or don’t.